In This Moment I Am Fine
Something I tell myself when my mind is whirling.
My brain didn’t work on Wednesday. I woke up to news of the election results with shock, disbelief, and a rising feeling of fear and dread. I couldn’t focus or even think. That morning, it took me an hour to write my daily to-do list; I kept spacing out to an imagined dystopian future where health insurance companies don’t have to cover people with pre-existing conditions.
I have at least six pre-existing conditions, including two big ones: a history of cancer and a genetic mutation that increases my risk of developing certain cancers.
On Wednesday, I stared into the middle distance. I gave up on trying to do any work. Instead, I took a long nap. For most of the day, my brain plummeted into formless, wordless fear.
But at some point, I collected myself enough to think: