I Ignored My Intuition and Got Sick

People-pleasing is so hard to kick.

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“Is it gut instinct or a trauma response?” I asked myself a few weeks ago, while trying to make a decision.

I often get strong gut feelings about people and situations. This used to happen a lot when I was dating: I would go on one date with someone and my insides would scream that I didn’t want to see them again. It also happens in a professional context, when I’m talking to someone about working together. From time to time, I’ll get a strong gut feeling that I should not work with a certain person or company and it won’t be good for me.

Sometimes the feelings are logical, and I can point to A, B, and C reasons why I feel this way. Other times they’re not; there are no reasons I can come up with, but my gut is still telling me not to proceed.

I second-guess my intuition, even though it is so clear and strong, because I have a tendency to push people away, isolate, and self-sabotage. When I try to tease apart the reasons for why my instinct is on high alert and shouting at me, and figure out if it’s a trauma response, it leads to mental confusion, self-doubt, difficulty making decisions, and, worst of all — ignoring my intuition and plowing ahead, to my own detriment.

Here’s how this played out recently: