I Need to Have More Fun

I have none.

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For some reason, most of my memories of having fun involve riding in a car with the windows down and music blasting from the radio. (Photo by averie woodard on Unsplash)

I have no fun. This is not an exaggeration — I have ZERO fun.

Here’s what I do instead:

• Work

• Try to get work

• Think about the work I have

• Worry about not having enough work

• Take actions to get more work

For relaxation and enjoyment, I:

• Go to coffee shops to read and/or journal

• Take yoga classes

• Walk or run in nature

• Mindlessly scroll on social media

But even though I sometimes enjoy those things, I wouldn’t exactly say they’re fun. These have been my go-to “enjoyment activities” for so long that I usually do them by rote at this point, so they’ve lost their luster. And probably even more significantly, I do all these things alone. I have a feeling that while having fun by yourself may occur occasionally, to really experience fun it has to happen in community.

How did this happen?

I used to have so much fun — maybe even a little too much fun! I used to party and drink and puff on cigarettes when I was out with friends or on dates or at an outdoor music festival. I used to make out with random dudes at bars. I used to stay out all night until the sun came up, and hang out with the band(s) after their concerts. I used to spontaneously quit wage jobs (front desk attendant at a tanning salon, hostess at a casual college-town pub) to go to a concert (Bruce Springsteen at Madison Square Garden) or take a weekend trip with my college best friend (to Washington DC).

Where is the girl who did all those things?!? Because I can’t even remember the last time I had fun, and it’s a problem!

Ok, I can identify why I don’t do those things anymore. I stopped drinking alcohol because it gives me migraines. Smoking is, obviously, very bad for you, and my social smoking dwindled down to one cigarette every three years or so when I was particularly stressed, and then to none at all, ever. Making out with random guys at bars is completely unappealing for myriad reasons — I haven’t done this since I was in college, and do people even make out with strangers anymore in our post-COVID era?! I like to be in bed by 11pm at the latest and get at least a solid seven hours of sleep, and a loud bar could not sound less inviting. I don’t quit jobs with abandon because I’m a responsible adult now, and even if I did, I don’t have a roster full of friends to go to a concert or take a trip with.

At the heart of why I don’t have fun anymore I think lies a different, and deeper problem — I don’t have the network of close friends that I used to. I can’t turn to my roommate and say, “Let’s go out for happy hour!” like I did when I lived with two of my high school best friends in an apartment on the Upper East Side of New York City in my twenties. I can’t plan a girls trip to Florida over spring break, like I did with my sorority sisters in college. Just scheduling a coffee date these days takes months of texting, planning, and next-level coordination.

What am I doing to address my fun deficit?