A Brief History of My Social Media Use Part 5: Descent Into the Dark Side

The dark side of social media is pitch black.

I’m doing something new! My social media detox two months ago prompted me to take it back to the very beginning and reflect on my history with social media — how and when I started using it, when it stopped being fun, and hopefully, how it can be fun once again — in this new SERIES (!!) called “A Brief History of My Social Media Use.” My initial installment in this series was FREE and not paywalled, so it’s open for everyone to view and you can read it here. If you’d like to read the rest of the installments in this series, become a paid subscriber here.

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Photo by Cottobro Studio on Pexels

When we last left off in the pandemic, social media was providing me with essential connection to others amid the staunch isolation of COVID. Posting on social media was fun and fulfilling, and talking to the camera for my Instagram stories filled the role of talking to friends. At some point though, things changed, and social media took a turn for the worse again.

During and after cancer treatment, I was thrilled to find on social media what was nearly impossible to find in real life: other young, vibrant women with cancer. In real life, I was used to being by far the youngest person at the infusion center or support group meetings. On Instagram, I found a whole community of people diagnosed with cancer who were my age or younger. In real life, cancer support groups were downers, and I left feeling worse than when I arrived. On social media, women with cancer were full of life as they fought for their lives and lived interesting ones in process. They were dancing around their rooms and tagging me to participate in their virtual dance parties. They were taking us along to their doctor appointments and scans — and also, practicing yoga in their living rooms and sharing their #OOTDs. In short, they were awesome, inspiring women I wanted to be friends with!

But then, probably thanks to the algorithm and Instagram’s business priorities, it felt like the online cancer community changed. Or maybe I just couldn’t find “my people” there anymore. Instagram introduced Reels, and the cancer community edged into the influencer aesthetic.

People weren’t just sharing a selfie in a medical gown at their oncology appointment anymore; now there were elaborately edited Reels set to trending songs. There were choreographed dances done in exam rooms and scan rooms. There were luxury trips to tropical locations taken before surgery (“surgery-moons”) and after ringing the bell signifying the end of treatment. And all of it was documented — and curated — for social media.

The day after I finished treatment, I got a cup of coffee at the cafe on my block. I could not — and still cannot — afford a luxurious trip to the Caribbean. Over time, I saw cancer becoming very glamorized on social media. And it upset and disgusted me.

Where were the real people?! With realistic budgets? Who didn’t necessarily go to the leading cancer centers in the world for treatment, which had become the ultimate status symbol, like the Four Seasons of Cancerland.

That was the first strike that started to sour me on social media. But there were more.